A month ago, I had a dream that I was in a room (or classroom) with a few people. I was sitting on the floor with some woman, a stranger (she was faceless but not in a creepy way?). She knew some people from my past and we started to reminisce. I mentioned liking a woman that I used to work with and told this stranger how I wanted to befriend her but felt I couldn’t. She asked me “why?” As I tried to help her understand, I asked her, “well, have you ever been in an environment with people where you felt you were not liked or unloved?”

“No.” she replied confidently.

Shocked, I said “really?!” I mean what planet is this stranger from?! She then responded and said I mustn’t go into crowds thinking this way and that it will take years off my life to continue do so. I guess she was saying that toxic thinking can kill you slowly.

When I woke up, I felt like I must have been talking to an angel. I mean, what other human on earth has walked around feeling loved everywhere they ever went? Whether it’s the color of your skin, your age, your weight, or the amount of money in your wallet, we all have something that made us feel insecure at some point.

Can you imagine? What would you look like? How would you carry yourself? What job would you apply for or person you would ask on a date if you knew you would be welcomed and loved. For those of you saying, “I don’t know, I’ve shoot my shot and missed entirely,” don’t internalize it. Pastor Steven Furtick addresses this well:

“When people don’t reciprocate your love, it’s not a sign of a lack of your own worth. But that’s how we feel sometimes. We get to a place where we see what we didn’t get as a sign of something that we’re missing. We see all the relationships that didn’t work out. A lot of times, it has nothing to do with us; it has to do with the other person’s stuff. However, we can interpret that and internalize that. And when you internalize rejection, it hardens into insecurity. Then, it keeps you from receiving what God wants to give you because that rejection will block your ability to receive, not only the love of others, but His love.” (@stevenfurtick)

In the last few months, I have been working extensively on shaping the playground that is my mind. God has broken many chains off of me and freed me by changing my heart and mind. In fact, I had another dream many months ago before this process started. (Yes I get a lot of dreams so many, that I have a dream diary).

Now in this dream, picture your average creepy sci-fi show. I was in some sort of dimly lit surgery room (or morgue). Two bodies lay ahead of me on a table. One body was very badly beaten. It had scars, cuts, and abrasions all over it. Oh yeah, and it was missing a head. On the other body, it was perfect. As if the head was cut off the other and given a new body. In the dream, whatever was done to the old body, the new body would respond as if it were writhing in pain. If you poked the old body, the new body would squirm as if the head was still attached.

When I woke up, I knew immediately that God was trying to tell me something. It was as if God was saying to me, “I have given you a new body, yet you still carry yourself and act as if you are attached to the old one.”

Imagine seeing a bird in a cage for so long that once you opened the cage, it stayed there, oblivious to the fact that it is actually free. How many of us are still acting in old habits that no longer suit us; still carrying the weight of past rejections and pain? Apostle Paul tells us to siege every thought. What does your mind look like? Is it a prison or a playground?